


Edibles

by xphil98197



Category: 00Q - Fandom, James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22128478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphil98197/pseuds/xphil98197
Summary: 006 and 007 decide to lift a package of cookies from a minion's locked desk
Relationships: James Bond/Q/Alec Trevelyan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	Edibles

**Author's Note:**

> "Quartermaster... You know I generally don't meddle in your private life... But, would you care to explain why the head of MI5 says YOUR two 00 agents are holding a tube car hostage and demanding pizza?"

"Quartermaster... You know I generally don't meddle in your private life... But, would you care to explain why the head of MI5 says YOUR two 00 agents are holding a tube car hostage and demanding pizza?"

“I’m sorry-?” Q dropped the headset he was about to put on. “R, I need you to take over 009’s mission right away. There’s been some sort of a crisis.”

“Um, Q… about that- do you remember the cookies?” TJ asked softly, trying not to draw attention.

“Why the fuck would I care about biscuits when two of my agents have taken a tube car hostage? Another time!” Q logged into his laptop and started the smart blood tracker for James.

“Not biscuits… cookies,” TJ cleared his throat. “My cousin Myra sent me edible cookies.”

“I should hope they were fucking edible, unless she was trying to poison you,” Q pushed his glasses up his nose and sighed. “Honestly, TJ. Sometimes I really can’t follow your train of thought at all. Prioritize, man!”

***

“This was a really bad idea!” Alec wiped his forehead. “Why did you listen to me and get on the Tube?”

“You said the cab driver was KGB, and was able to track us above ground,” James reminded. “I don’t see anyone at all that I recognize, Alec. I was just trusting your instinct. Why do my legs feel so rubbery?”

“More important, why did M say that they will not deliver pizza to a tube car?” Alec fumed. “I called his cell phone personally to warn him about the KGB, and this is the thanks that I get.”

***

“I can disable their weapons from here, at least the official ones,” Q said, his eyes wide with shock. “I agree M, it does seem like some sort of code. But according to the smart blood, their vital signs are not normal. They do appear to be genuinely alarmed. They could be under the influence of something that might induce paranoia, like the drug the army was testing at Baskerville.”

“You see why I’m concerned?” M left the phone call connected on speaker with their end muted. 

“Boss… M…” TJ cleared his throat from the door. “I need to tell you something.”

“For the love of all that is good and holy, if I hear one more bloody word about biscuits… I will fire you,” Q put his head down on the desk.

“Not biscuits… edibles. POT edibles,” TJ’s face was a rather alarming shade of red.

***

“I’m not seeing anyone that looks anything like the KGB,” James sighed. “How bloody long does it take to deliver a pizza anyway?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have pulled the emergency stop between stations,” Alec sighed. “And my gun isn’t working, something is wrong with the palm sensor.”

“Good thing we brought along the bag of cookies, I’m starving,” James shoved two more in his mouth. “They taste kind of funny though.”

“Like pine needles,” Alec agreed. “I don’t know what the fuck spice that is, but good thing we have them. I’ll have to ask TJ what kind they are so we can get more. The Tesco kind of double chocolate chip never tastes this good.”

***

“Do you mean to tell me that you fed two 00 agents marijuana edibles?” M asked quietly.

“No, I mean to say they picked the lock on my desk and stole a package from my bag,” TJ muttered. “Nuisances, the lot of them.”

“Why did you have them in your bag in the first place?” Q asked, furious. “Is this a regular thing at work?”

“No! I picked up the post on my way out the door, and I didn’t realize what was in it until I got here,” TJ shook his head. “She does this as a joke, because she knows I can’t eat more than a bite at a time. She had to come and find me once, I ate two and was crying in an alley outside a club because the lights were so beautiful inside that I couldn’t take it anymore. Not my brightest moment, you understand. She makes them for my grandma for her hip replacement, and I nicked a few when I was over for dinner.”

“So what do we do?” Q covered his face with his hands. “How are we going to keep this out of the papers?”

“If I remember the Sixties… you just wait it out?” R offered. “But someone has to go get James and Alec. They can’t be left alone in public. They’re deadly, and who knows what could be the thing that sets them off?”

“If we’re lucky, the passengers just think they’re mentally deranged,” M snorted. “Only your agents, Q, could have a bad drug trip off someone’s edibles for their grandmother.”

“I’ll go,” TJ offered. “Its my fault anyway.”

“And I’ll have to go with you,” Q opened his safe and got out his holster and weapon. “I’m probably the only one that can talk them down at this point.”

“I’ll have a pizza delivery waiting at your flat, Quartermaster,” M bit back a smirk. “Just remember, they are YOUR agents, god help you.”

“Yes… right,” Q shook his head. “I’ll just go shoot myself now, thanks.”


End file.
